“She has a confident walk.”
“You should be a politician with that answer.”
“Well, meeting random people in the lunch
room… who knows whose friends with who.” I was talking with an expat Irish man I had just met in the lunch room of a Toronto advertising company I was temping at.
“True - though I’d say her walk is downright rude.”
“Okay, she does
sound a bit like a horse trotting. For a low level employee though that's a god send.”
“Oh yeah - why?”
“You know well in advance when HR is coming.“
Anyone who has known me knows that I have
not always held the highest esteem for members of the HR profession. My usual
position, with a "few" exceptions, is that they are vapid watch dogs who suck the spontaneity out of any
work place and time people’s piss breaks with a stop watch. Their role is to
help perpetuate that brutishly fake corporate culture where people sit in a
lunch room and don’t talk to each other about anything beyond their job,
sports, and extremely mainstream television. They are the teacher, the police
man, the N.A.R.C. that forces everyone to behave completely average or be
noticed for not doing so. Their profession looks to continue the fakeness of the job interview and make it into day to day theater. How do they do this?... simple, come under HR’s cross hairs and your days at that
company are done. Surf the net – HR will catch you; show up five minutes late
from lunch – HR will catch you; cough to loud – HR will catch you; scratch your
balls – HR will catch you.
At the ad agency I was privy for a few days
to the loud walking HR lady. I was facing her desk with her back to me doing
data entry. She spoke loudly with no filter despite my proximity, obviously not
concerned if I heard. She was a tall woman, around 6 feet with heels on,
probably early 40's with blond hair becoming a touch wispy with age, she had a husky unfeminine voice, and expensive looking skirts each day... perhaps
from Holt Renfrew.
What stood out most was staff coming up to
her to tattle on other staff. Of those that wandered up, and there were
a few, the one I remembered most was a lady about to go on vacation. People –
rightfully so – get rather nervous when they head off on their short Canadian
vacations that their job will be taken over by someone else. This soon to be
vacationer, in hushed tones, proceeded to bash the girl who would be doing her
job while she was gone, literally only stopping short of saying that she
shouldn’t have a job at all. All through this the HR queen just nodded and
listened… one could only wonder which of these two would really come under her
cross hairs.
Horse feet could make and break people at the
agency. Though my time was short there she even managed to flare up my hopes.
She played me well my first day saying she had seen my resume when I took
the temporary assignment and had noticed I was a copy writer. Her exact words
had been that I would have to dust off my portfolio. That put on enthusiasm dissipated after I worked my ass off at a menial task to try to impress her. When it came
to looking at the portfolio it collected dust on her desk as I was subjected to
watching her from my vantage not even look at it for one second the entire day
after I gave it to her in the morning. My fate left to a woman so connected to
regular people - the regular people she hires, fires and manages - that she expounded this personal philosophy during one of her self indulgent mid
work day rants: “There is no
way in this day and age that you can raise a child without a nanny.”
