I haven’t much liked Birthdays for many years. Growing up in
a smaller city like Edmonton I was brainwashed by the thought that 25 year olds
were ancient and that people in their 30’s were suppose to be married with kids,
have mortgages, and never heard from again. In Edmonton youths go crazy between
16 to 23 - lots of drinking, sex, and drugs. The prevailing pathos was get it
out of your system, it’s “normal” to run wild, BUT – it’s also “normal” to give
that up and pretend it never happened by the time you’re about 25. You don’t
have to be settled at that point, but the logic is that you should be well on
the path towards it that is if you too want suburban bliss in your future. For
these reasons, I felt after I was 24, even though I was traveling the world,
that I was “old” and there was no point celebrating getting any older. I had submitted
to a life time of indoctrination. Now though with my 35th Birthday
just past last week I have come to realize that getting older isn’t such a bad
thing. Over the next few blogs, as a tribute to my Birthday, I want to look at
a few different kernels of wisdom I think I have accumulated over the years.
Starting first with this:
1) The Destination doesn't matter, it’s the journey that
does...
Would it be worth
being rich someday in the distance future if every day to achieve that was a
struggle you didn’t enjoy? A lot of people I have known become infatuated with
the plan; the plan that is suppose to see them achieve everything they want in
life, or more appropriately what they think they want in life. There are two
issues with this concept. First, how do you know if what you think you want is
what you really want until you have achieved it? And secondly, if your life has
been spent working towards a goal what are you going to do when you get there? Making
this last question rhetorical, I doubt many actually bask in the glory of achieving
their goal for very long. Instead after spending a life getting to that point
they return to what they know – “working” towards another goal. In the end it is not the goal one aims
for, it’s the emotionality connected day in and day out in the pursuit of that
goal.
A friend back in
Edmonton gave up his twenties in order to strive towards “maybe” having early
retirement. He worked massive hours and barely spent a cent for ten years
during his twenties. I’d heard that this friend at one point had been placed on
a 50 dollar a week allowance by his wife. When I once asked what the point of
this continued pursuit was years later– this after they had gotten the big suburban house and
two nice, new cars - the answer I received was tellingly vague. She answered
and told me they wanted more: an even bigger house, nicer cars, and finer
things. When I asked her why, as they already had a lot by many people’s
standards, she couldn't really answer - she just did. Filling in the blanks I’ll
speculate that feeling superior to those around them must have played a large role.
That vision of success is based on externalities, rather than creating success from
within, it’s based on how you think other people will perceive you. A serious
issue with this position is that in order for it to work you would have to
surround yourself with people who hold similar success values. If people of
similar external values are present it creates a vacuum where each actor in the
system can take up their respective role of either looking up enviously or
looking down smugly and contemptuous. This life path is clouded by negative
mental states like pity, scorn of others, and jealousy. My friend’s pursuit
creates these negative power oriented emotions on a day to day basis and
becomes one of the central aspects of their journey. That’s why they wanted
more in order to feel more powerful using external markers to gage that power.
What about an alternative though?
If
internal concepts are chosen as a point of success than the journey can really
be enjoyed. Giving up life pursuits that
are based around showing other people how great, intelligent, or successful one
is allow the best chance to enjoy the journey. For myself I don’t want to be
competitive or think I have leverage in relationships based on what I show
externally. Rather, I want to connect with people because they interest me and I
want to find out who they are and show them who I am. Taking this point of view fills my journey
with positive emotions like curiosity, empathy, and introspective realization. These
are the feelings I want on a daily basis. I like to think if you interact with
your environment in this way you might be able to discover truths about
yourself and find out find where your real passions lie. That is what life is
about anyway self discovery and finding out what it is you really wanted rather
than what everyone else told you should strive for. If you are one of the lucky
ones and find your passion you can mold your life journey to that passion,
bringing it into your daily existence, and have the best chance at happiness.
There can be no doubt in my mind that a
person that loves each day is the richest person in the world...
Coming soon. Part two: Be completely yourself and you will attract
the right people.
