Streets, sounds, chatter of London...

    So a week has come and gone in London. Brilliant times... so many observances of difference both in terms of unique Englishisms as well as from the swell of London’s cosmopolitan life style. My life has taken on the exuberance and speed I like. Maybe its evidence that my mind is slightly ADHD as I love the pace of the action – people here act, think, and react fast. One’s wits always have to be ready conversationally and for the litany and sheerness of action occurring both in the pubs and on the streets.  I couldn’t help but think during a long walk last week through central London and seeing so many baby prams how lucky these wide eyed kids are. Their early subjectivity is being moulded in this molten furnace room of life. That’s a life advantage.

      Going out in London is more fun than anywhere I’ve been. There’s always ample opportunity to chat to interesting people, to chat to girls... I once said – per capita the most interesting people in the world are living in London. Everyone has come here to look for that allusive something. Even the English people usually aren’t from London...  Out on Bricklane in East London Wednesday I could see the grittiness of the streets. Chavs mixed with hipsters to form a bi polar street dynamic. Then on Friday I was out in Clapham Junction - very different vibe there. A lot more gentrified English, it was younger, posher, people wore shirts and proper shoes. I've done a night out in Primrose Hill - the beautiful oasis like escape from the grit of nearby Camden. There’s a place for everyone to go out here...  all demographics are caterd too. The secret is investigating the different areas then finding your own niche.

     Conversations in London are flippant, funny, and range across the gamete of topics. Out with some English friends on Saturday, I love how rhetoric is rewarded. The rant is appreciated. People, for the sheer fun of language, are willing to follow a topic right down the proverbial rabbit hole. The fun is in the word play and the artistic feeling of creating an amusing antidote. I saw topics swell and twist in morphed form for ten, twenty minutes on Saturday night, then often comeback for a punch line an hour later. Now, I know why my talking style doesn’t quite match my home city of Edmonton – my time here in the past changed it. It feels like, I’m rediscovering things. The feeling is as if I’m watching an old movie I loved previously ten years on. There’s recognition of everything, it isn’t new. However, the second viewing still brings forth new insights. The love affair between me and London is still passionate and going strong.

Death of Delusion, Birth of an Artist

Odd and hilarious times. Right now, I’m in the basement of a hostel having slept – after a shut in – in the laundry room. So my comment of the day - I have incontrovertible evidence that love is a sham... My dear readers for the sake of privacy and personal boundaries I can’t fully divulge the intricacies of this story, but I will say... I just tried the most romantic move of my 33 year life. EPIC FAIL! I told someone I’ve known a long time that they were perfectly imperfect in my eyes- a position after much thought I arrived at - and that I wanted to meet them in Trafalager Square at 3 pm. No show... I waited. I have to say, this moment is changing. I always believed that if I really tried, I would always be able to make what I want happen. I couldn’t, I can’t... I’m just a guy walking alone in a dark, dank, and for the most part scary world. Reality is not about connection and coming together. The truth is it was always a game and it always will be. So now there is comfort in knowing I’m alone again. I want to be alone without a concern for how I am regarded. I want to just write my thoughts with no care how they are perceived... I want to be authentic. Without fear maybe art can be created... after yesterday, I know no fear anymore.

First Moments Back in London...

    Sitting in the hostel I’m staying at in London. All twisted up from no sleep after my flight, but really loving it. This is the stimulation I like – the streets of London teaming with movement, people, edge...

    When I took the train in to central London from Gatwick Airport memories flooded back to me. I’ve been in this city so many times at numerous different stages of my life. There was the historic first time here when I wandered the streets after partying the whole night previous in Brighton -everything a blurry impression. Then there was my first official move here penniless after leveraging everything on a trip into continental Europe. I stayed all over the place. Carried food in my pack... and was on the edge till I got a bartending job in Primrose Hill then a nice little gig in the offices of HMV on Oxford Street. Every stay another adventure and story – whether it was Christmas in Acton on Knights Ave with my best friend from Canada Shane; the month waiting for my Dutch visa in posh Hampton Court/ Richmond. or a couple blurry stays for a week or so with my first travel friend Adam in, ironically, a place called  Canada Water, near Canary Wharf...  

     How’s this story going to unfold?... probably with sleep at some point, but not before I meet an old mate for lunch and some pints. I’m meeting my roommate Trevor from when I lived in Edinburgh ten years previous! Serious, I already love this. Life in motion is life lived...  Not to mention it’s the best to reconnect with people you have history with. At the end of the day that’s what it’s about!

Fortune Favours the Brave – and the prepared!

    
I sit here with another expedition on the launching pad. I have a ticket purchased for London on the 19^th of this month. It has been four and half years since I left my last extended travel behind me. Things have changed... time has moulded me and refined my perspective for this trip.  Previously, I felt that I had just the past and the present fuelling my actions... my thought was that this allowed the future to unfold without expectations. This time, I’m incorporating a new aspect – a plan for the future.  Reality will not hold me back from taking as much as I can from my life. I’ve discovered in the last year that I have only one thing to fear; myself, and regret for not doing things that I think will make me happy.

       I believe steadfast that fortune does favour the brave. The result is not always what you want, but something is always to be gleamed from taking chances. I’ve been on both sides of the coin. As an example for the positive, I was offered 1000 pounds per week to tend a shop, and basically get well fed to do nothing, at the Royal Bank of Scotland through the night. I replied to the offer– “ a thousand in the hand – or are you going to tax that?” Final offer – 1250 per week – no tax! It was life changing. I ended up earning more than 10,000 Canadian dollars in a month. Adversely, I’ll never forget laying on my back in Kensington Gardens my backpack under my head, my visa maxed out, all accounts -Canadian and foreign - empty, and 3 pound 50 in my pocket staring up at the, ironically..., clear, blue London sky. I laid there for hours paralysed by the weight of reality. What I learned from those moments was that when you’re high in life you can exalt in it – literally soaking in the shimmering brilliance of being alive!  While in contrast, and even more importantly, when you are low – you have the chance and the necessity to learn.  Both moments inherently are positive.  

      Previously, I always felt the future would work itself out. I still do in some ways – but this time, I’m equipping myself differently. I don’t just want to be a leaf blowing in the wind allowing chance and the vaccinations of the moment to purely direct me. I need direction. I want to commit to an idea for my future. Without all three aspects – past, present, and future working together the result will be confusion and uncertainty. Right now I feel they’re coming together. That fusion is giving me confidence.  I’m optimistic and excited! Backing me is my past wealth of travels and adventures, the impending present and excitement of living in Europe again, and the future plan of graduate school.  I’ve never felt so ready for an expedition.