Buy Some Furniture

I always knew that having lived a life “perceived” as leisure by others would have consequences. My initial thought was that people would look down on me for not having more at my age materially. I’ve seen a lot of people I’ve known, and fair play to them for it, judge themselves versus others (often their friends) by how nice of things they have. I am laughably behind in that game. What I didn’t bank on however was my character also coming under heavy scrutiny. I have become aware that in some corridors, I am perceived as a bit flaky and a person who some believe won’t stand in for the long haul. There can be no doubt it sucks to have your character judged on externalities, but at the end of the day there is little you can do about it. All a person can do is move towards their own vision for themselves and not be dissuaded from that vision despite obstacles, real and perceived, that come up.

Sitting in a Psychology class a few years back our professor discussed the best way to predict future behavior - looking at past behavior. The basis was that if an individual has done something before:

A) They have set a precedent of action and very well may return to it.

B) That precedent of action may become a learned response to stimulus happening around them, and thus be repeated.

Generally, I consider this mechanism to understand behavior to be effective, but unfortuantly it easily can be used for me as an explanatory tool too. The fact that I chose to travel as much as I did has some people around me not thinking if I will travel again, but rather when I will. All of this despite my assurances that I will not take extended trips anymore. Arm chair psychologists, which of course I’m more than guilty of being, have me pegged as a loafer and a drifter who doesn’t stay places because, perhaps, I’m not willing to take the steps required to establish myself in life. That has validity for sure as a position, but... having the advantage of living inside my own mind tells me that they are wrong.

 I will concede this, establishing yourself in a new city and sorting out your base problems (food, shelter, getting a few friends) is the easy part. The next set of hurdles is where the real challenge lies; actually establishing a stable, or perceived to be stable, position in society. Where you live, how you live, and what you can show about that lifestyle forms the seed of our reputation to other people. Many people, actually… most people, have spent a lot of their time working on this since getting out of University or College. Kidding yourself that this is not a serious way of being evaluated is silly. People move up in their careers and their living situations grow as they do. Getting older it becomes painfully apparent that a reputation is hard to break.

The reckoning I knew was coming was that being behind in this game, and for a number of years not even bothering to play, that I would face a poor perception because of it. A lot of people believe that I will never give up being gypsy and that my stock answer for challenging times is to leave the challenge and skirt away. Of course, I want to be more established and stable… but similar to a reputation that cannot happen overnight.  I need to work at things slowly but surely... just like Andy Dufresne chipping away at the wall each night in “The Shawshank Redemption.” 

On an intellectual level I will say this, the escape of travel is a joy – and I will always remember it as such – BUT, escaping again does not fit into my plans. Stepping away just means the same road blocks would exist when I get back.  I’m not going anywhere this time. I just want to take a step back, put my ego to the side, and face the reality of the decisions that I have made.  Perhaps, I will take my mother’s advice. She is a practical woman; compared to my occasional over thought, over wrought, perfume soaked idealism. 

“Buy some furniture, then people will believe that you are going to stay.”