The Pursuit of it

     Watched a movie last week called “Blue Valentine” that really got me thinking. The story, in a nutshell, is – Ryan Gossling’s character Dean sees Michelle Williams character Cindy and immediately, by his own account, falls in love with her at first sight. He pursues her, the way a man REALLY in love would: relentlessly and genuinely. She is overwhelmed by his effort and falls for him. Fast forward 7 years later into their marriage, a daughter in tow, and the relationship is breaking down. An infamous scenario has ensued, at least from the male point of view, the guy is still desperately in love with the girl, like he always was... like he always will be, but she has fallen out of love with him. This, in a world where a million and one douche bags enjoy massive success praying on female insecurity, to me was a cinematic example of a modern day tragedy. The story is told in two alternating time frames; 7 years into the relationship and the beginning.  Please excuse a few minor spoilers.

     Now, I’m always trying to understand people better and my first impression after watching this film was that Cindy was a bitch who gave up on a good guy. Some more thinking and the help of reading some female reviews of the film have modified that view point.  Dean envisioned something inside of Cindy and used his attraction to mould her in his mind as the perfect woman. For those of us that have felt love before, it not only allows you to only see the best in the other person - it kind of forces you to.  Every joke is funny, every comment so witty, the other person’s appearance - which to others might be just alright - is breathtaking. That was Dean... consumed by his girl in that way most girls dream of being wanted.  A problem...?????... but how? Here’s how. By being consummately in love he lost track of who Cindy was... he held her as his ideal not a real, evolving person.  Invariable it  would be this factor that would drive her away.

   The character of Cindy from her first appearance has a detached ere. Something isn’t right in her family and because of that she’s able to disappear inside of herself and her dreams of a future away from her small Pennsylvania town existence. Dean’s love for her when they first meet was so explosive and true she can’t help but being taken aback. He’s putting himself out there for her in ways that her reserved nature could never imagine. She’s overwhelmed and succumbs to it – happily, willingly succumbs. Maybe in her eyes he could be the escape she covets. Maybe she thought that he would apply the energy he had for pursuing her towards their life together as well. Seven years later life has taken hold and what she cannot shake is the fact that for him loving her and their daughter is enough. He’s not interested in pursuing success and “life” – he has what he wants. She`s sees larger, wishes for more... wishes to strive. He hasn`t given the escape she longed for... She’s changed, grown jaded, and he has remained exactly the same.

    I couldn`t help but watch this film, the opposite to any of the romantic comedies, and feel effected. What bothered me was the thought not even love can sustain a relationship... if not that, what is it then?... just an exchange of services and expectations between two partners? More questions, if love holds one from seeing the way a person really is – then can it be a good barometer for entering marriage? If you’re love blinded will you wake up sometime later to ask yourself who the fuck is this person? Then again though, if there isn’t love then what would be the point? As usual so many questions not enough answers– it´s good to see a movie that is willing to look at the complexity of love and relationships rather than peddle Hollywood romantic drivel. For anyone that hasn’t seen this film I give it a strong recommendation. In the end for me, I’m skeptical of the concept of “love” – but maybe it’s my own neurosis that I still have to believe in it.