Graduation Day

“I’ve got a funny story from when I was young.”

   I was looking across the table at Erin, a girl that I had been out with a few times previously. She was looking so cute and earnest in her black plastic frame glasses. I was nervous. I definitely wanted to impress her. My game plan had been to play up my mature side, but who was I kidding. I could tell from her eager smile she wanted to see me play the fool one more time - like I do so well…  

  
    I gave her a serious look straight in her eyes as I began. “I don’t really remember this story completely. Great start to a story right? My mom has filled in many of the details. As for the rest, I’ll just exaggerate.” I winked at her and smiled.

   “I was about 4 years old, a precocious little guy really. I wanted to match anything my big brother did. If he had it - I wanted it. I even wanted to be the same age as him. My brother was seven so I use to tell everyone I was seven as well. I guess I looked up to the dude... either that or I wanted ALL the attention for myself.”
   
      I shrugged my shoulders and looked down meekly, grinning a little as I continued. “So… we were in the car on our way home. My brother was beaming. We had been at his graduation, his kindergarten graduation that is. And for his efforts, he was given one black cardboard hat. All the new grads had one. They all had special hats. And I didn’t! I could see that Erin was smiling.


“Must have been quite the hat!?” she said.


     “Oh you bet it was! It was like a crown to me. It was his pride and joy… Somehow I had believed that to wear it would surely make me an older boy. I wanted to be ready for finger painting and connect the dots like he was, I needed its power… The entire ride home, I pestered him asking again and again to let me wear it! He kept saying - no.”

     “To this day I hate to hear no when I really want something. So you can imagine how I was when I was four...? So anyway, after pleading to my mom unsuccessfully to make him let me wear it - I hatched a more devious plan!” I looked over at Erin her attention was now undivided.
   

   “When we got out of the car, I made my dirty move. I was quick like a cheetah as I snatched the hat off his head and sped around the corner of our house - my little legs moving like the road runners... “

Erin laughed: “You little scoundrel.”
   

   “Oh that isn’t the end just yet. I would be a liar if I said I actually remembered where I went…” I let my lips droop and looked down in my best innocent little boy look as I continued. “When I finally did come back with the hat my mom was angry. She told me to give it back IMMEDIATLY! I didn't complain at all, I just handed it back. There was one little surprise to be discovered though... ” 

“What is it, what happened next?” Erin asked. Her voice slightly pitched.
  

 I waited a second taking a lingering drink from my beer, then another.

“Come on Dave, what is it? What did you do?”

   Not really being able hide my growing grin my words came out. “Well let’s just say that the hat was tested to see how well it could resist water. I ran around the house with my brother’s pride and joy hat and took a wizz in it. Then I handed it back to him filled to the brim with four year old pee.”


“You did that…? “ she blurted out fighting off a laugh at the same time.


“Yep I did, but don’t worry it doesn’t mean I still wet the bed.” My face turned a little red as I realized - so much for looking mature.