Out the other night at the Start Music Festival, the third weekend in a row that there was some kind of cultural event in Copenhagen. I was there with two of my closest friends in Denmark. A couple of girls started chatting to us. One was from Texas. After a few minutes of conversation the Texas girl asks me: “How are you hanging out with these guys?”
A little surprised I replied: “what do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been here for 18 months and it took me pretty much that long to get in with any Danish people. And I even speak the language too.”
This isn’t the first time, I’ve heard about this kind of scenario. Sometimes even the Danes themselves will say that they are closed. My experiences have been the exact opposite however. I met a friend from three years back with whom I now live and he introduced me to loads of varied people who quickly became my friends too. I’d actually say being a foreigner has had the opposite effect than the girl I talked to implied – it seems to draw people to me. I’ve been asked so many times since arriving 3 months ago. “Why did you choose to come to Denmark?” People are really interested in what would bring me here. They like my authentic answer that I had previously traveled a lot of Europe and visited Denmark three years ago and was drawn back because of the friendly people and the liberalism.
In my opinion it was easier to make friends with the Danes than the Dutch. In Amsterdam, where I lived two years, it took a long time to break through with new people. I think the main reason is a blasé, guarded attitude towards Amsterdam’s tourists many of who deservedly have earned bad reputations for chasing vice. Also in the Netherlands, the individual friendship group is held a little tighter and is more restrictive. The Dutch will expand, but it takes time. The benefit of that is that once you are friends with someone you will be through the good and the bad. The Danes on the other hand have been really open. They want to talk, find more about me, and see what I’m about. It felt unbelievable good for my closest female friend to tell me I was one of her close friends after three weeks. Comparably in Canada often I find a pre-requisite for friendship is equal status. Further, it felt really hard to expand an already established friend network in Toronto beyond the friendly acquaintance level. Here, that expansion has happened quickly and naturally. In my experience it’s best to find a place that you fit rather than trying to fit yourself to a place.
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