The Blue Coffee Mug

      

    It was as if a magnetic force had emanated from the very world itself... a long crack started forming in my blue glass coffee mug. I’ve never seen a mug just disintegrate like this. It wasn’t just a mug - it was the mug she gave me. She knew my habit of using the same coffee cup every morning. So one day by herself at the mall she bought me another one -the same but in blue. I never told her properly, but to me it was an amazing gift. I just liked that she was thinking of me. And now that very blue mug was splintering right in my hands from merely putting regular temperature water in it. Something was happening, there was some incongruence in the world, as it couldn’t just be chance that the day it cracked was also the day of our last cyber argument...  the last time we communicated.

    

   A Danish friend recently told me– “some of my girlfriends think that you don’t like them.” A little surprised I answered her by saying – “don’t be crazy of course I do.”   To which she added – “some of them told me they kind of fancy you, but you don’t seem to fancy them they think.” It was interesting to hear this, because it brought forward something that I knew. Something, I’d been trying to forget. I’m a fool, but I still love her. She’s beautiful to me, and she will be forever... long after her youth fades. She gives the world a blasé persona as a defence to protect her best parts: the shy her, the sensitive her, the artistic her, the real her. I once knew the real her, though not anymore, and I know I could live a thousand lifetimes and never meet anyone like that again.

   
     This tale is one of personal growth as when feelings get that deep you will change from it. I can’t sit here like some perfect romantic when in reality I failed myself and her. Life brings answers but in its due time, not your own...  I was so relaxed about our growing relationship. I let her put herself forward to expand it, and when we were a continent away I relaxed in the comfort that there was someone out there that wanted me. I didn’t push to come back together when I could have. I wasn’t explicit in the here and now. I was comfortable that it would remain, it would always remain... it didn`t.  And now I have nothing again... except a deep well of regret. And now each time I feel low – I know that it will be her I think of and what I lost in that moment when the blue coffee mug cracked.