Monday to Friday Blues

   There is no time I hate more than working hours during the week. Not for the reason you would think though, it’s not that I hate my job and I would rather be anywhere else. Quite the contrary, I hate these hours because I don’t have a job. I haven’t for months since getting back to Canada. I could sit here and victimize myself and claim it’s a recession time or that the “system” doesn’t favour thinkers and dreamers, like in my moments of self indulgence I like to believe I am, but the truth is apathy has surfaced  as a coping mechanism. Pleasures can’t be enjoyed during these hours, because not unlike a person that bought something they felt they shouldn’t, doing things you would normally consider fun creates a feeling of guilt. That is the action of a “normal” mind trying to sanction itself in order to focus itself to the task at hand. However, like a white elephant in the room, trying not to have any “fun” till properly sanctioned times – like the later evening or weekends - is a focus diverter in of itself especially with diversion a click away on a computer.

     Monday to Friday sitting here on the one specific cushion that hasn’t sunk in on our brown, slightly grungy, couch I feel sometimes like my truest job lies before me - keeping the motivation to keep on doing this. The game is layered on thick here in Toronto. Resume creation now involves - as directed by resumes “professionals” –   looking at job requirements for specific jobs and placing those requirements directly inside your resume. I was a bit confused by this at first...  aren’t you supposed to list your skills for employer’s consideration, your real skills that is? As opposed to just saying you have what they want. It actually sort of seems to defeat the purpose of a resume at all. However, the job skills listed are so generic and abstract – things like: superior organization skills; adept people skills; magnificent multi tasking – that there’s always a way to claim that you have them.  It took awhile to get use to this and that was before dealing with the North American interview, which has felt worse than selling yourself during a first date. After five failed interviews already, after a nearly spotless European/ Australian interview success rate, I’ve realized that the interview here is just an extension of the phoniness of the resume.

        As a vehicle for my self esteem I consider myself unique. I’m not alone on that one. You’d probably be depressed if you didn’t consider there to be something special about your own subjective experience. An issue is though - if I, and everyone else for that matter, are unique than wouldn’t we all need unique jobs that befit that status?  At one time or another I have done pretty much every type of job. As a traveler, I had a skill, or I guess you could say penchant, for things just coming to me be it a good job – my first copy writing job came through sheer chance – or a shit one at a necessary time – when I moved to Amsterdam with 500 bucks and somehow got a dish washing job about a day before I was set to join the homeless population. I always felt fortune favoured the brave and for that reason something would always come. And it did, though not always in shimmering form.  I’ve done loads of shit work: fruit picking, sales, warehouse, labour, landscaping, data entry, customer service... I even cleaned a yaught one day in Sydney harbour. The thing is being “home” the feeling is that you should do something that personifies you and this purported “uniqueness”...  The issue with this is that other unique people also feel they should work in media as well and there is a vast sea of competition. Often ten plus interviewees for one position...  

    The hardest is maintaining motivation to play this game. Scanning through want ads, feeling pangs of guilt as the wealth of cyberspace constantly calls me somewhere else... if just for a minute, then another. Maybe that is the writer’s curse, glorifying themselves, but surely I can’t be the only one who has ever suffered the Monday to Friday blues? Having the sense of dread as the weekend comes to a close and knowing that I face another week ahead here on the brown cushion.

Top 20 American Films

 Last week my friend Cody Lang and I sat discussing films. As usual we agree, and disagree, and took glee in expounding on our brilliant film tastes while bashing the others. The question looms though - are our film taste’s brilliant or fool hearted? Needing an audience to address that you be the judge. We decided to create our own top twenty of our “favourite” – not what others would consider the “best” – American films. 

    Some words on my list. I’ve always been pretty high on the thinking man’s film. I watch films to learn more about reality rather than escape it. So with that said there are a lot of films on my lists that have to do with society, time travel, identity, and a dystopian future. A couple luminaries come up a few times too, I definitely love David Lynch, Stanley Kubrik, and the Coen Brothers. Well enough of my chatter. Here is my list, please enjoy, and hopefully comment whether in agreement or disagreement. I’d love to hear what you have to say. My list is in no specific order and I made some effort to grab a title from most genres as to give the list some breadth.

My American Film Top 20 in no specific order:

Pulp Fictionn (1994) : Still my favourite ever theatre experience. Everyone laughed at all the dark comedic moments and I was in stitches both from the dialogue as well as Tarantino’s penchant for the absurd... think the whole Zed story and Vinny Vega accidently blowing a guy’s head off while waving his gun around.  

The Tree of Life (2011) : Not as much a film as a treatise on the essence of existence on a grand cosmological level. Terrence Mallick, coming towards the end of his life, puts this forward as his Opus and has shown us that despite the staggering importance we put on ourselves as individuals that we are so small in the grand scheme of things. A masterpiece!

The Sting (1973) : A close call between this and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”, but I felt this Robert Redford/ Paul Newman pairing was just a little more fun. Great comedy mixed in with gangsters, prohibition bootlegging and pulling off the ULTIMATE con.

Aliens (1986) : The sequel to Alien moves the franchise away from space horror into science fiction. The film is big in every scale as you’d expect from James Cameron and creates a mind blowing future that includes a kick ass future army core and aliens that are not to be trifled with. As with Blade Runner I never really get sick of watching this film, it's action with a scientific bent that is worthy of any number of viewings.

China Town (1974) : Grimy film noir that mixes water rationing with the taboos of incest - a bold combination. Jack Nicholson spends half the film with a massive bandage on his nose as he navigates the toughs and delinquents of a James Elroy style underbelly of Los Angeles.

Slacker (1991): Richard Linklater has long been one of my favourites and this homage of everyday life in Austin, Texas  - as much as “Dazed and Confused” – has made me want to visit there. The film follows an eclectic collection of artists, drunks, and miscreants each holding the camera’s attention for five minutes before it follows another person. Experimental film making that is edgy and relevant.

Miller’s Crossing (1990) : The ultimate in film noir dialogue with Gabriel Byrne holding court as a brilliant mafia bootlegger that plays both sides of the fence between rival gangs. The Coen brother’s production as always brings dark comedy and hilariously contrived characters that while slightly over the top do not throw the authenticity of the era being highlighted into question.

Blade Runner (1982) : Rooted with deep existentialist underpinnings this futuristic noir looks at the essence of identity in an era where humanity and machine are getting more and more blurred. As with any great piece of Science Fiction this film is possibly more relevant today than when it originally came out 30 years back. An amazing, brooding looking film that still stands the test of time for the future it presents.  

Pi (1998) : Darren Aronfsky’s first film, made for less than $50,000 dollars, stands above all of his others in terms of the complexity of characterisation. The film looks at the nature of genius and its correlates to madness as a mathematician comes painfully close to an algorithm that could decode not only the stock market, but reality and nature itself. A MUST see...

No Country for Old Men (2007) : Like other Coen Brother’s films this one is existentialist in character looking at the seeming absurdity of life where good and evil do not align with consequence. Great acting -especially from Javier Bardem who plays a psychopath with his own brand of idealism.

Raiders of the Lost Arc (1981) : Fantastic, epic adventure spanning continents as Dr Indiana Jones squares off against the Nazi’s to locate the Arc of the Covenant. By far the best of the series encapsulating both adventure and fun in globe stomping style.

Memento (2000 ): A brain twisting film shot in reverse as an allegory for the lead characters anterograde amnesia. (not being able to encode new memories in short term memory.) A man, played by Guy Pierce, looks to get closure on his final encoded memory: seeing someone murder his wife. An intriguing narrative comes together as well as a philosophical reflection on reality, memory, and the construction and the reconstruction of identity.

Silence of the Lambs (1991) : A seminal thriller and the best of the “serial” killer films, in a close call with Seven, which pits a novice FBI agent Clarise Starling against the brilliant psychopath Dr Hannibal Lector. Though the pursuit of another serial killer is the films chief narrative the dialogue scenes between Lector and Starling are the most memorable and present a tangible, be it creepy, chemistry between the leads.

Mulholland Drive (2001) : A masterpiece from David Lynch as he delves into the question of identity, reality, and agency by looking at a girl’s experience in Hollywood through a long, twisting, lucid dream.  A movie that begs reflection and my all time favourite film.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) : A genuine space opera as man’s first forays into space are motivated by an alien intelligence. Shot in the early 60’s the look of this film is amazing, the score amazing, and the depth of philosophical insight without peer. Viewers are challenged to consider the possibilities of technology reaching too far and other worldly consciousnesses beyond anything conceivable by human experience. Comparable in scope to Mallik’s: “The Tree of Life.”

Dazed and Confused (1993) : Within a list of more or less “heavy” films "Dazed and Confused" lightens things up a bit. An ensemble cast, each representing different personalities around an Austin Texas High School in 1976, enjoy the last day of school by partying and musing about their city and their futures. I’ve always wished I could have hung out with some of these people. Not to mention a load of future stars got their beginnings in this film.

LA Confidential (1997): Brash, brooding noir that high lights Hollywood in an era when film stars, mobsters, and police were interchangeable and there was a real seedy side behind all the Hollywood glitz. Fabulous performances, including a star making performance by Russell Crowe, make this a delightfully entertaining cops and robbers yarn where no one is as they seem.

Dr Strangelove (1964) : Hilarious satire as Stanley Kubrik depicts the possible end of the world with a cast of characters worthy of Joseph Heller’s Catch 22. Constantly laugh out loud funny in particular each time Peter Seller’s graces the screen.

Twelve Monkeys (1995) : A time travel film that intelligently begs the question: if there is one stream of time (which of course is debateable) won’t attempts to change the past using time travel have to lead to a future that has already taken into account that attempt and because of that be unchangeable? That is a Catch 22 ad-infitum... all this with Brad Pitt playing a memorable crazy eyed, seeming psychotic.

Barton Fink (1991) : This Faustian tale looks at a hell in of itself through an unfulfilled writer who will never get to write what he wants and who will forever be under the thumb of Hollywood studio heads who have him writing pictures about professional wrestlers. John Goodman’s role as the devil, and ring master of this Sisyphean world, is brilliant. A film that milks the absurdity of art and it’s seemingly permanent disfunctional marriage with business.  

Put a Little Thought Into It

     Popular culture always has new trends; sometimes the trends are just old trends resurfacing a new. I read an interesting article in the Economist extolling the virtues of NOT thinking. The gist of the article was that a return to instinctual action could yield better results than thinking. For anyone that has sat pondering should I, shouldn’t I ad-infinitum... maybe there is some logic there. I know sometimes just doing something than reacting to what happens works better than thinking about  the "possible" outcome. Later I flipped through a copy of the Atlantic and again the topic of non thinking was front and centre. The featured article was about BF Skinner style behaviorism, the ultimate Psychological paradigm of non thinking and just acting, making a millennial resurgence. All this non thinking discussion struck a chord with me as I fall on the scale of over thinking. Maybe I have been wrong this whole time???

      BF Skinner is one of the most maligned and vilified of the 20^th centuries Psychologists. Most people that have taken Psychology 101 know him as the man who trained pigeons using incentives or what he later called operant conditioning. It’s a simple process: reward pigeons, with say food, the behaviors you want to see more of and punish, with say electric shocks, the behaviors you want to see less. Where he flubbed up, or so say his detractors, (and I was surprised to find out Noam Chomsky was at the lead of them) was by discounting human consciousness and self talk as a vital component in human decision making. He believed that most of our actions were just habitual in their origin and derived from previous learned habit.The Atlantic article I mentioned applied Skinner’s thinking, using new technologies like smart phones, to tackling modern world problems such as weight loss. The idea being that if thinking of the long term gain, a thinner body somewhere down the road, is not enough why not use immediate incentives in the short term to achieve the goal. The program devised was to connect over weight populations by social media using smart phones as a support group. This group would provide instant feedback for each other and give positive reinforcement when you stuck to your eating and exercise goals and negative when you do not.  Positive and negative reinforcement are strong opiates in the mind even having an addictive quality. Apparently the results have been HUGE. Literally, people are training themselves to take on better habits and in time maintain those habits without external incentives. 

         As a person with a seemingly never ending self dialogue the idea of tricking my brain into doing positive things seems interesting. With some thought (there it is again...) though it does seem like a partial band aid to conscious choice. Socrates much used quote: “know thy self” comes into play here.  Shouldn’t people be dissecting the underlying reasons for bad habits and behaviors rather than just trying to deprogram them? Is action all that really matters – and shouldn’t one try be acutely aware of the thoughts and underlying structures that make up those actions? All these musings, and the very concept of behaviorism, makes me wonder if the human animal is not so far off from our genetic primates in that we are just biological vessels looking for the next body high. Even if that high comes from something as seemingly arbitrary as the buzz we get from positive reinforcement. If this is true, can the same programming that works on pigeons and rats be almost as effective on humans? Surely not when taking into account the uniquely human abilities of self reflection and envisioning how present actions will affect us later. Then again, though? Here’s another angle on these issues. A guy takes one look at a girl in a club... two minutes later they’re making out. Now without entering his mind I don’t think there was a lot of mental ping pong going on. Another example - one of the hardest shots in basketball is the totally wide open jump shot where there is time to think about it. The best thing to do is just shoot without a moment’s reflection and let practiced behavior take over. All of us are filled with so many learned behaviors that even the devout thinker has to realize that they are still able to do all their thinking while doing a litany of learned behaviors.  Literally, we are petri dishes of learned behaviors that are both positive and negative.

      Maybe we really are just the accumulation of our habits and it’s these habits that drive what we perceive and our self talk? One thing stopping me from believing this though is my love of the toughest question of them all, and that one that yields the least societal rewards, that of WHY? Even if we can use behaviorism to build a litany of positive habits that only answers the how of living good. The question of why we couldn’t do this on our own still lingers. Existentialism has long been my philosophical creed and it basically runs counter intuitive to behaviorism. The idea is that we are all totally responsible for our choices as we are totally free... our bodies, genes, and personalities can’t stop us from making our own choices and being responsible for the outcomes. Existentialism is a philosophy of ownership for ones actions.With that philosophy backing my position behaviorism sounds to me like the continued medicalization of behavior and another method to escape personal accountability. I’m not saying it’s not a good idea to build positive habits, using these techniques, but if one cannot answer why they didn’t have these habits in the first place than a serious issue remains. Everyone's chooses their epistemological systems of belief, through conscious thought or handed down acceptance, and though new uses for behaviorism are interesting they don't gel completely to me. I have a need to understand, for myself why I act and this stops me from putting my faith in this system, interesting as it is...

   Maybe you see it different than me though? Should one question why good behaviors are adopted or just be happy they are there?

My Toronto

    I have been back in Canada for 6 months now and the experience has been positive. For me Toronto is a good sized city with 4.5 million people, it has every sub type of person, plenty of parks and a thriving cultural scene. Like most major cities the majority of people aren’t from here. The cosmopolitan essence of the city draws people to it. On the negative, like other major cities, there is some pretty serious competition for decent places to live and good jobs. That’s the price you pay though living in a city where people want to be, it’s the same in Sydney, London, Copenhagen... 

 
     Toronto is the kind of city that if you look at a place and want to take an hour to think about taking it you're going to lose it. Luckily for me I timed my return with an opening in the house that I use to live in 4 years ago. So I was able to immediately sort out objective number one – a good place to live. Our brick house is on the outskirts of the Annex, which is the bohemian/ artistic area of town near to the University of Toronto. We have plenty of room for four people to live and even have a huge, by Toronto standards, back yard. There are loads of cool pubs/ bars, used book stores, art shops and off the beaten path video shops and cafes nearby. To anyone visiting Toronto a walk through the Annex on a warm day is a must – always so many characters if you’re a people watcher. You might even see Margret Atwood – the famous Canadian writer of “The Handsmaid Tale” and “The Robber Bride” - one of the areas residents strolling around. I’ve always liked Annex life... it’s been nice to see as well, after riding bikes for years in Amsterdam and Copenhagen, how many people are starting to ride them here too. The cars still rule the roads, and it can be scary getting passed inches away from your back tire, but there are lots of bike paths sprouting up like flowers in our back garden.

     Since being back, I have had a mixture of old and new friends. That’s just how I like it – some continuation from my past combined with some new connections. There are my two old roommates from years back, but we also have a new one from Germany. There are also my old friends - my base – starting with a guy I knew from traveling in Australia ten years previous. Knowing them brings back old memories and nostalgia's that I mix with the present incarnation of me. My return hasn’t all been perfect. Recently, I decided to part ways with an old friend from here after realizing that our core values were not compatible anymore. That was a tough call, as generally I see difference in people as a way for me to learn and grow as a person, but in this case the difference in ideology and more importantly scruples had became too great. A good person will reach down a thousand times to help their friends, but when people have become duplicitous there’s also strength in knowing when to cut your losses. In his place though new friends have sprouted up who represent the current me. All in all, I am very happy to have such a nice mixture of old and new. Four or five times already I have had visits from international friends. Nothing I like more than showing people the city, introducing them to locals, and getting to see Toronto through foreign eyes. Each time it has made me feel lucky that I live here.

     Others aspects of life are coming together a little more slowly. I’m doing some casual waiting work for a catering company. Certainly it’s not my dream, but at the same time it’s something to tide my over till other opportunities present themselves. Also, it’s a pretty good way to meet diverse people too. In a city with this much theatre, film and other media going on I believe, without irony, that in time something will come my way. Otherwise, Toronto is a great city to just “be” in. What I have always liked about here is that when the sun appears people’s best selves come out too. That’s the beauty of countries that have real winters; people enjoy the summer so much more. Something else I like too are some anti mainstream values I’ve noticed springing up.  For the first time I’m living without mainstream television. We have a television set, but we only use Netflix and download movies... and don't have any cable. Lots of people in Toronto, many of the people I know, are doing the same thing and escaping the homogenized messages of mainstream media and more importantly the sea of dull commercials that patronize us with their incomplete assessments of who we are and what they think we want. It’s refreshing stepping off the grid in this way and I might write more about it later.

   For now and in to the future Toronto is home. So everyone who reads this – come for a visit soon. 

A Writer`s Howl

     I wonder to myself how can an artist escape the fear of themselves and failure? My fingers and mind have run dry as of late. I’ve written pages that later I re-read and they feel false like illusions of what I really want to say. We live in a world where everyone can try and yet no one does. Once great novels and pages of ideas breathed out the life of the infinite for those yearning for more, but now it’s all just an Iphone application. Even right in this moment, I can feel an overwhelming feeling of stopping writing and looking at something else. Maybe that is the pull back into the normal, the pull back into everyone else. I don’t want that, I want to wade into the murky forests not seen before and recorded... I want to be real at least to myself. Charles Dickens quote lingers in my mind: “Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life... “

     

    At least now, I don’t care about success at least in that normal way. I just want to do something I can be proud of, I want to make myself happy and do what for me has always been so hard... living in the moment without thoughts of excitement in the future or memories of the past. Why can’t I be a Kerouac who pounds the keys for three straight days?... (it’s hard enough to pound them for 3 straight minutes)  possessed by the a spirit that only the likes of him and Henry Miller will ever know... a two way connection to the world Élan. All I get is uncertainty of self next to a world I’m not always sure I want to be a part of yet can’t turn my eyes away from. This is my time, not the past or the future, but right now. The choice is mine whether to cower from possibility or bask in its warmth...  

The Richest People in the World

    I haven’t much liked Birthdays for many years. Growing up in a smaller city like Edmonton I was brainwashed by the thought that 25 year olds were ancient and that people in their 30’s were suppose to be married with kids, have mortgages, and never heard from again. In Edmonton youths go crazy between 16 to 23 - lots of drinking, sex, and drugs. The prevailing pathos was get it out of your system, it’s “normal” to run wild, BUT – it’s also “normal” to give that up and pretend it never happened by the time you’re about 25. You don’t have to be settled at that point, but the logic is that you should be well on the path towards it that is if you too want suburban bliss in your future. For these reasons, I felt after I was 24, even though I was traveling the world, that I was “old” and there was no point celebrating getting any older. I had submitted to a life time of indoctrination. Now though with my 35^th Birthday just past last week I have come to realize that getting older isn’t such a bad thing. Over the next few blogs, as a tribute to my Birthday, I want to look at a few different kernels of wisdom I think I have accumulated over the years. Starting first with this:  

1) The Destination doesn't matter, it’s the journey that does...

    Would it be worth being rich someday in the distance future if every day to achieve that was a struggle you didn’t enjoy? A lot of people I have known become infatuated with the plan; the plan that is suppose to see them achieve everything they want in life, or more appropriately what they think they want in life. There are two issues with this concept. First, how do you know if what you think you want is what you really want until you have achieved it? And secondly, if your life has been spent working towards a goal what are you going to do when you get there? Making this last question rhetorical, I doubt many actually bask in the glory of achieving their goal for very long. Instead after spending a life getting to that point they return to what they know – “working” towards another goal. In the end it is not the goal one aims for, it’s the emotionality connected day in and day out in the pursuit of that goal.

     A friend back in Edmonton gave up his twenties in order to strive towards “maybe” having early retirement. He worked massive hours and barely spent a cent for ten years during his twenties. I’d heard that this friend at one point had been placed on a 50 dollar a week allowance by his wife. When I once asked what the point of this continued pursuit was years later– this after they had gotten the big suburban house and two nice, new cars - the answer I received was tellingly vague. She answered and told me they wanted more: an even bigger house, nicer cars, and finer things. When I asked her why, as they already had a lot by many people’s standards, she couldn't really answer - she just did. Filling in the blanks I’ll speculate that feeling superior to those around them must have played a large role. That vision of success is based on externalities, rather than creating success from within, it’s based on how you think other people will perceive you. A serious issue with this position is that in order for it to work you would have to surround yourself with people who hold similar success values. If people of similar external values are present it creates a vacuum where each actor in the system can take up their respective role of either looking up enviously or looking down smugly and contemptuous. This life path is clouded by negative mental states like pity, scorn of others, and jealousy. My friend’s pursuit creates these negative power oriented emotions on a day to day basis and becomes one of the central aspects of their journey. That’s why they wanted more in order to feel more powerful using external markers to gage that power. What about an alternative though?

     If internal concepts are chosen as a point of success than the journey can really be enjoyed.  Giving up life pursuits that are based around showing other people how great, intelligent, or successful one is allow the best chance to enjoy the journey. For myself I don’t want to be competitive or think I have leverage in relationships based on what I show externally. Rather, I want to connect with people because they interest me and I want to find out who they are and show them who I am.  Taking this point of view fills my journey with positive emotions like curiosity, empathy, and introspective realization. These are the feelings I want on a daily basis. I like to think if you interact with your environment in this way you might be able to discover truths about yourself and find out find where your real passions lie. That is what life is about anyway self discovery and finding out what it is you really wanted rather than what everyone else told you should strive for. If you are one of the lucky ones and find your passion you can mold your life journey to that passion, bringing it into your daily existence, and have the best chance at happiness.  There can be no doubt in my mind that a person that loves each day is the richest person in the world...

Coming soon. Part two:  Be completely yourself and you will attract the right people.

Follow the Leader

    On Ossington Avenue, Toronto’s latest “cool” spot, sitting chatting with a pretty Danish singer from an old Copenhagen friend’s band. The band, a three piece Euro electronic fusion group, (the best quick description I can come up with) were set to play a show later that night and beforehand we were all smashing down beers. First, I’ll point out that the Danish people are different than North Americans... beyond language they’re much more communal and FAR less competitive and individualistic, because of this they are VERY open, giving people. In most circumstances Danes aren’t trying to impress when they talk to you they’re just being open about themselves and their point of view. You’ll always seem to get a deep conversation out of them. This night was no different... 

     She and I sat talking while the other two band members chatted in Danish beside us.  Before long, as it so often does, the talk turned to relationships.  She presented a fascinating point of view that most North American’s would be reluctant to admit... even if they silently thought it to themselves. Her point was that if one romantic partner inherently wanted the other to take charge of the relationship and be the dominant party no amount of kindness, attempts at equality, or romantic gesture heaped on them could stop them from feeling frustrated and unsatisfied if that wasn’t happening. Intrinsically, they need to be the one doting rather than being doted on. In relationships there are people who naturally love more; they’re hardwired to do this and prefer it. To them being on the bottom of the relationship looking up in a kind of wide eyed admiration is where they want to be - not being put on a pedestal by another person. This line of reasoning does have explanatory power when you think of that “nice” guy not getting the result he wants or why some people let themselves get utterly dominated by their partner without complaint. A person’s nature does not just mold itself to egalitarian principles of evenness. People have roles they feel most comfortable in and not to play that role is to create an incongruence inside them.

    Have I seen or heard other corroboration of this effect she spoke of – oh yes. Mainly I have heard from girls – a large cross section of them of different ages – saying how they don’t like the present crop of so called: emasculated men.  This phenomenon that they speak of has cultural and historically underpinnings as previous to the modern era, let say post 1960’s..., men were expected to be more dominant in relationships. Present day reality has had two surprising effects though. First, many woman have been given the chance to have more agency in their lives than ever before, and secondly many men have jumped at the chance of having less. The reality is there has always been men that wanted to be led and woman who have wanted to lead... now each are having a much larger chance to do that.My Danish friend and I agreed that this effect is not gendered per say really what is at the heart of it is personality types. The real problem resides when a person sticks to unflinchingly to the role they “think” they are suppose to play. Exuding externally a self that does not meet the inner person is a sure fire way to romantic calamity and overall unhappiness.

   In the end it was just talk over beers. Did we reach any definitive answer?.... nah, but still exploration of different ways of seeing the world is art and a joy in of itself. I've never been one to think that reality fits into the nicely constructed boxes that the media tries to place it in. The truth is far more varied and animalistic than people comfortably would like to admit.