I’m sure many people reading this are in a relationship, it may be a good one - maybe not. All the same, I feel like giving a few of my own thoughts about that most difficult of things – pairing up romantically. From what I’ve observed in other guys, girls and myself it’s certainly not an easy task. The main issue is the blame game... each gender blames the other for the pairing not working based on their previous experience. Now being male, I’ll look more so from the male point of view, but please be aware that I feel most of these concepts can be reversed to the female perspective too.
An ugly aspect of attraction is how attention seems to have the effect of pushing things away while disinterest is a draw. Most people are interested in what they can’t have, not what they could... The allure is towards that person whom seems unattainable. Sadly with time a majority of people buy into this illusion and start creating artificial personas for themselves in their clothes and attitude. These facades might have some positive effects for that person in the short term, but in the long term it’s devastating as it hides their true selves away.
It’s a myth that guys don’t have feelings and emotions... I’ve had thousands of conversations with guys over the years, of all types..., and there is lots of feeling there. Trust me. Pretty much every guy, I’ve ever met wants to end up with one girl not just fuck around and have meaningless sex forever. Of course if this was easy, everyone would be together happily and people wouldn’t be getting divorced. With that said – lots of young guys are thrown off by our homogenized mass culture where the good guy is shown getting the girl. Being the chivalrous knight in white armour is cool on paper, but the results are lacking. Invariable this strategy back fires, it’s to heavy handed, it doesn’t comport to animal attraction and pushes away the girl.
Where the real damage comes though is when a guy really likes one girl... The effect of doing the “right” things, entering a relationship, and that failing is incalculable. Sleepless nights and pointed personal questions aimed at one’s own character will be the result. This moment’s permanent effect differs, but a lot of guys will create a shield to prevent the same from occurring again. He will not let himself get attached in order to protect himself. Naturally this has the effect of driving the girl wild if she cares for him; a reaction that perversely devalues her in his eyes and makes him lose interest.
Where the vicious circle comes into play is that a guy is hurt by a girl and becomes aloof and uncaring. In a justified response the girl becomes hurt too and reacts similarly by erecting her own shield... and what we now have is a really ugly, perpetuating cycle. People are coming up against the other person’s baggage, defences, and facades rather than the real person. This cycle based mainly on power games and not getting hurt comes before people know each other on real terms. Throw in the raw and incalculable power of sexual attraction, in both cases: when it’s there and when it’s not, and it’s easy to see just how wild this game is... So why play right??? Simple: “You can’t win if you don’t play.” And with that said what choice do we have...?
The question is, how do you manage to change the cycle?
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew how to break the cycle, but it seems so pervasive. I haven't broken the code yet and that's why I'm still single... :P I've tried "not playing the game before" it's sad but that doesn't work. The key in this piece of writing is the aspects of animal attraction, it seems logical to get someone you would tell them how much you like and appreciate them, but the results of that are tepid at best. I guess the "only" chance is to let down your walls and be totally open, but everyone knows that is VERY dangerous...
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