Sitting in tonight, my mid terms are starting to pile up. I really wish I was out having a beer and a laugh... but here I am in front of the keys. I actually should be studying. Today, I trained again to be a research assistant at my University’s Psychology Department. I’m looking forward to the experience and it definitely will look good on graduate school applications. One thing that really struck me was how much of the position is acting and taking on a role. The majority of what I have to do is following an elaborate script, and do it as consistently as I can each time. This made me think to myself; how much authenticity is surrendered when we fall into a role?
Personally, I feel most comfortable when I’m firing off the cuff with what I say and do. I generally grant myself the freedom to do this a lot even when others might act more formally. I think it’s the residue of all the traveling I did. I suppose though a major aspect of “growing up” is submitting to roles that limit your freedom. This is a skill that needs to grow in certain people; I know it has to grow in me. Taking on a role feels like a return to childhood, you make believe again. Except this time it isn’t so fun. You make believe that you are this serious person when you don’t feel like you are. Most people seem to like not acting serious as much as they can. So why aren’t there more jobs for the non serious people?
What I’m saying I guess is that I wish there was a larger diversity of roles that we can take on and be successful. Being really serious and having people respond to you as an authority doesn’t feel like my bag. One of my professors pointed about public speaking and the need to be able to do it by saying “there are leaders and followers... which one do you want to be?” My answer would be neither – I want to follow my own path, but I don’t care if anyone else follows. That way the only authority I need to be content with is my own. This is a challenge I face, one I guess everyone faces..., how much do you want to remain yourself. And conversely how much of your self are you willing to give up? This is a question that still broods in my heart - I want the esteem a good job brings while still being authentic to myself.
The fun part is when you go your own way and others follow, it gets really funny when you dont want them to follow you but they still look at you for guidance. Lead your own life and role on I guess.
ReplyDeleteThe right choices, most of the time, are the hardest ones with no insurrance that they will make your life easier. I believe it will make it more interesting.
Well said Adam! Walking your own path into a forest without a trail is daunting, but for a creative, authentic person it's the only way I think...
ReplyDeleteWe all have choices in life - some choose to take the highways, some take the sideroads, some fly and some walk. Very few make the hard choices let them live in a way that is true to themselves. Those choices sweat and toil to earn and enormous courage to take. The reward though always justifies the means.
ReplyDeleteYeah there's so much pressure towards conformity rearing up at us since were kids... the TV, our parents, our peers are all selling it! To stand up to that is like facing a title wave with just a wonky old surf board. Still fitting yourself into the world on your own terms is a task that cannot be avoided unless you want to become part of the wave...
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